I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
