i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
