Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
