How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
