$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
