I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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