Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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