she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
