Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
