not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
