Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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