Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
