eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
