tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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