Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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