Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
