Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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