Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
