apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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