I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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