I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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