I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
