did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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