I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
