There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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