If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
