five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
