They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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