girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
