so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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