I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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