Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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