My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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