Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
