brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Two words: blizzard sex
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
