Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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