Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
