I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
a search helicopter?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
