im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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