I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
