so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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