No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
