you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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