this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
