you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
