Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
