And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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