He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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