Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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