I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
