I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
