I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
