why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
